Ptolemaic Times, Issue #4

EDITORIAL: A MIGHTY CHALLENGE

(Reprinted From A Just Received Diplomatic Pouch):

Hey, Ptolemy!

I will bring the elephants, and you can show us your personal prowess this weekend! Sound good? It will take us a few years to destroy all that stands between your faction and ours, but in the event that we DO meet in battle, I should greatly enjoy beholding your 'personal prowess.'

Peucestes, servant of Pithon

Hey buddy! Next time--use the servant's entrance. Zeus recently quoted a commentator as mentioning that I "...was generous and fair and granted to all the commanders the right to speak frankly." But I don't remember giving ANYONE ELSE'S Stategoi permission to speak frankly. Pal, when I reincarnate as General Patton, remind me to slap your face...

Now listen, Pteucestes...only women get to see my 'personal prowess,' let alone my 'long spear.' Have you got a sister who's free Saturday night?

But seriously folks, no elephants were harmed in the making of this Desert Empire. That's because we don't have any yet. Hey everyone, he's going to wipe you all out just to get to me in Egypt. Do you buy that? Well, if you'll all send me 1 talent, I'll send a camel caravan for him to ride over and we can have a grudge match! I can see it now: "Hello folks, and welcome to the Alexandria Arena. In this corner, Peucestes, a man who's not afraid to issue a challenge to someone so far away he knows his grandson won't live long enough to get here." Hey, if you're so tough, why not threaten someone who you actually share a border with?

Well, its been fun--this pregame joshing. No hard feelings, eh Persian Breath? Those of you who want to get on The Road To Egypt will find me here at the end of your magical journey. Hey, you can have the Greater Empire...but can I just get the girl in this picture?

Ptolemy

With The Strength of RA!

GRUDGE MATCH AGAINST ALL COMERS

by Ptolemy the Pteriffic

All right, now that I'm involved in a grudge, you all might as well join me...

*A Satire To The Successors*

ANTIPATER what's the matter
The Greeks revolt while you get fatter!

EUMENES you make me sneeze
Pass me Rhodes now, if you please!

CRATERUS you've missed the bus
You're in the midst of all of us!

PERDICCUS you try to slick us
In Syria I made you sick-us!

PITHON your rude general's cry lacks
Let him rhyme Somatophylax!

TLEPOLEMUS you will cream us?
like Brer Fox in Uncle Remus!

But PTOLEMY will set you free
If you come ally with me!

THE CAMPAIGN APPROACHES

I'd just like to thank all of you Hegemons and Generals for your invitations, proposals, transparent flattery and best wishes. I'd like to return them a thousand fold, but it certainly looks like some of you are planning on squaring off for real. Once more I appeal to you all for a rational, peaceful solution to continue the Empire under one person.

Personally, I'm quite comfortable here on the throne of the world's oldest and most famous state. In fact, I think I may just found a local dynasty and relax. Maybe set up a casino with a golf course. But oh, those sand traps around here go on forever!

Well, good luck to everyone who doesn't attack me.

Your pal,
Ptolemy

Love ya, babe! Let's see what's up on Turn One--then we'll do lunch...